The root of the word Essay means to try something out. What you’ll find below are attempts at all sorts of things, many of them quite self-indulgent and of little use in a civilized society. Still, some of these work nicely, although plenty do not. I’ll let you decide which falls where, and note only that I typically find the failures far more interesting than the successes.
If you’ve read anything about the Democratic debates lately—or worse, are one of those sadomasochists whose quest for naughtiness compelled you to watch them—it’s likely you’ve noticed a major theme: Centrism.
That there was a convoy of murderers and rapists who wanted the Heinz ketchup—The Emperor could understand. He could commiserate, for he himself enjoyed the Heinz Ketchup. He was not without feeling, The Emperor. Push him far enough he too might murder for the Heinz ketchup. He didn’t require threats to his ketchup to rape.