Screaming About Nothing

Screaming About Nothing

I spend the majority of my days with two cats, Jerry and Sterling. They’re generally charmingly weird companions, though I’ve recently noticed that anytime I go near the kitchen, for any reason, Sterling follows me. The reason he follows me is simple: the...
Use the Machine, Dummy

Use the Machine, Dummy

I was hand-washing some dishes the other day when I began to wonder, Why? Why am I washing dishes by hand when we have a perfectly functional dishwashing machine? We already own the dishwasher plus the soap needed to run it, the machine is conveniently located...
Kludging It

Kludging It

In the February, 1962 issue of Datamation magazine, the would-be computer designer could learn from J.W. Granholm, an esteemed engineer with The Boeing Company and General America Corporation, about “one of the most beloved words in (modern computer) design...
As Free as the Wind Blows

As Free as the Wind Blows

I recently read an article about Chad Carswell, a 38yo man in North Carolina who’s awaiting a kidney transplant. While donor organs have been found that could save Carswell’s life, hospitals are presently requiring all transplant patients be vaccinated...
Thanks, Suckers

Thanks, Suckers

I went to the dentist last week for the first time in over a decade. Fortunately, I have only one (1) small cavity, a fact my mother will be very proud to read, unlike the remainder of this essay. To determine the quality of my teeth, x-rays were...
128th St

128th St

(A version of this was published on the website Hard Crackers.) Located on the corner of 128th St and Aurora Avenue are a Vietnamese noodle house, a Chick-fil’A, a used car lot, and a construction supply company that doubles as a used car lot, the latter presumably...