At the grocery store earlier today I noticed that egg prices have risen to $7.84 for a dozen Grade A eggs. This price reflects plain old white eggs, not the fancy organic kind, although I live on the West Coast and all eggs must be cage free, which raises the price above national averages. It’s also worth noting that the shelves containing those $7.84 eggs were completely empty.
Egg prices are high because avian bird flus are running rampant, and tens of thousands of chickens have been slaughtered over the past year. Putting aside the ethical aspects of mindlessly raising and slaughtering thousands of sentient beings, the math here is quite simple: less eggs + consistent demand = higher prices for you and me.
Curious fact #1: on most days in America we have almost one chicken for every human (318-million birds to 340-million humans).
Curious fact #2: groceries typically price eggs below what they pay to purchase them; this strategy is called a “loss leader” and is premised on the idea that customers will come in for eggs and stick around to buy Doritos.
Curious fact #3: Curious fact #2 works. Seriously, everyone lay off the Doritos.
I observed exactly zero (0) humans protesting this situation. I got to thinking about that, because I remember this past spring when gas prices were high. At that time I couldn’t walk out of this same grocery store, which has a gas station attached to it, without being accosted by someone asking me to sign a petition to impeach Biden, or whatever it was they figured would lower the cost of gasoline.
I’m unclear on the details because I never stopped to talk with these people. This was a self-preservation strategy, for people who blame Presidents for gas prices are dung-heads, and it’s wise to avoid such humans as their brains tend to seep out and stick to your shoes. Though I never stopped and bantered, I’m 111% confident this is exactly how that conversation would have gone:
Petitioner: Gas expensive, Biden Bad!
Me: But Presidents don’t set gas prices.
Petitioner (thinks a moment): Gas expensive, Biden Bad!
Me: I thought you conservatives loved the free market? This is that very market at work, so what are you carping about?
Petitioner (smoke streaming from ears): Gas expensive, Biden Bad!
Me (after failing to locate a bottle of chloroform to knock myself unconscious with): You conservatives call liberals snowflakes but y’all are the whiniest little guttersnipes I’ve ever seen. Your gas is too expensive? For god’s sake, sack up and dig some out of the earth with your bare hands like a red-blooded American!
My point, if such a concept remains, is this: if Biden were still in office, conservatives would be buzzing and biting like gadflies about the cost of eggs. Why? Because everyone eats eggs and thus everyone can feel the pinch of these prices. (That statement is not entirely true, but it’s close enough for the hyperbole to remain in place.)
Curious fact #4: finding alternative protein sources is a challenge for many people who eat a vegan diet.
Curious fact #5: some people are allergic to eggs; to my mind that would be the worst imaginable food allergy to have.
I’ve not heard a single liberal call for Trump’s impeachment, and while that might be an overreach (Presidents don’t set egg prices, although they do appoint the head of the FDA), the act of blaming Trump wouldn’t be. The truly smart move — if you’re a member of the DNC, you can stop reading right here — would go beyond galvanizing people to demand safe food at a fair price, and extend to placing the blame for these increased prices squarely in Trump’s oversized hands.
The price of groceries is a working-person’s concern. Those same working-people are leaving the Democrats and moving toward the Republicans in droves. A great way to make them pause is to blame their guy for the pinch that’s squeezing us all.[1]It may seem my focus is exclusively on the finances. To clarify: while I think monetary arguments are the way to rally your average egg-eating-American, my deeper concern is the ever-shifting avian … Continue reading
But working-class concerns such as the price of groceries are not what concern the Democratic party, for the simple fact that the people in charge of the party aren’t working-class people. The party cares for working-class people once every four years, which means we’ve got another thirteen-hundred days before they pretend to give a shit about us again. In this way they’re exactly like the Republicans.
I know some of my readers will scoff at the suggestion. To them I say, Let’s try squinting through this looking glass: liberals are incensed that Elon Musk “bought” a Presidency, but refuse to support any meaningful election reforms that would cull billionaire supporters, aka: buyers, from their own herd. If that doesn’t convince you, let’s try this angle: During last year’s primaries, how many of you voted for Kamala Harris to be the Democratic Presidential candidate? Riiight… So if you didn’t choose her, then who do you think did? (Hint: it wasn’t your Amazon delivery driver.)
But we’re digressing. The reality is that Elon Musk doesn’t give a single fart about the cost of eggs, which is the exact same attitude as (insert billionaire Democratic funder here).
Fun game suggestion #1: Set an egg in a pot of cold water and bring it to boil; turn off the heat, cover, and set a timer for eight minutes. Now, Google the phrase, “billionaire Democratic funder,” and see just how many names you can track down before your perfectly creamy-yolked egg is ready to be eaten.
We’ll return to a point that’s been made repeatedly on this site: while there is a margin of difference in the rapaciousness with which each side advances its agenda, the ultimate goals of both parties are separated by a very fuzzy, hazy, and often difficult-to-locate border whose sole beneficiaries are people who will never ever worry about the cost of eggs.
I doubt this blather will make anyone question their allegiance to either party. In part this is because most Republicans don’t question anything, while Democrats are typically too self-righteous to acknowledge this fact: Despite have spent billions of dollars on the cause, they’re batting 1 for 3 against Donald Fucking Trump, a man who — and this cannot be emphasized enough — failed at running a casino on three separate occasions.
This site is not in the business of telling people what they should do. However, in this instance we’ll bend our principles and encourage voters to follow the oft-repeated advice of our current President, who would never be caught dead backing this bunch of losers.
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↑1 | It may seem my focus is exclusively on the finances. To clarify: while I think monetary arguments are the way to rally your average egg-eating-American, my deeper concern is the ever-shifting avian flus, which are now spreading through farm animals and into humans. If Covid taught us one thing it’s that we’ll respond more quickly to the price of tangible toilet paper than saving abstract human lives. |
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